A couple months ago, I got tired of singing worship songs as I once did. Just singing whatever words were in them for the sake of the song. Do I really mean everything I sing? I sing so much of other people's words. I wanted God to change me. In this song in particular, it angered me that I would sing "break my heart" if I didn't really mean it, so I prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His. A little scary. What did I expect? I had no idea.
Now, I do.
One of Ben's mentors Thomas Young tragically ended his own life last Friday. I've been grieving for him like no one I've ever grieved before, and I never even met the man. I knew him only through Ben. Since Thomas' death, I've been aching for the people he left behind. So many "question marks floating around the room" as evangelist Kelly Green put it so well at his funeral today. And yet, to die is gain.
I'm forever changed. I will continue to pray for the people affected by this tragedy and remember that God doesn't always give answers. He didn't even give His son an anwer when he asked for an other way than the cross. The 'human condition' as my mom calls it is desperately crying... Hosanna~ "save now!"
Here's my heart, Lord... broken.
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