God help me be a good friend

In Job 4 Job's friends have come to him after major tragedy has struck him. They sit with him for a whole week without saying anything for they saw "his pain was very great." (Job 2:13) Then Job laments and one of them opens their big fat mouth... "If one ventures a word with you, will you become impatient? But who can refrain from speaking?" WHAT??? He didn't want an answer to his courteous question!

When we use courtesy, are we just using it for the sake of using it, or do we truly desire the other's best? The Merriam-Webster online dictionary states that a courtesy is an act of consideration. Did Job's friend really use consideration when asking Job this question, or did he mean to speak his mind from the get-go? Hmm...

I am so stinkin' guilty of trying to give my friends and even strangers unsolicited advice. Recently, I gave some of this unsolicited advice to one of my leaders! What was I even thinking??? The problem is, I wasn't. If I would've thought carefully about what I was going to say, then I may not have said anything at all. Thankfully, my friend and leader was gracious enough to keep a short account and let me know that what I did offended her. WHEW!

So, when we are listening to a friend vent frustration or lament about life, we need to be very careful not to 'spew out' what we think is wisdom to that person. One book I'm reading puts it this way, "The carelessness of our speech may also show up in our lack of wisdom when we spout surface answers to deep problems and hurts." (from Words That Hurt, Words That Heal by Carole Mayhall.) The Bible says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18)

One thing I have been advised to say when in a situation where I feel like I need to say something is, "Do you need a listening ear right now or a soluion ear?" I think this question is very good- when put into practice. If you are a solution oriented person, but you know you just need to listen, then you can prepare yourself to do that. If you are a good listener, but a solution is needed, you can pray for that.

So today, if given the opportunity, be a good friend- be sensitive to others and ask if you're needed as a listener or a solver. Then you can truly be courteous and helpful to your friends. Let's pray about this together and allow God to give us the grace that only He so freely gives.

Holy God, Your word says that "the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." (James 3:17-18) Let us make peace, Father. For Your Son, who lives in us is the Prince of Peace. We only want Your wisdom. Our wisdom is not true. Give us a gentleness to our friends and neighbors that only comes from you, so that when they see how we are with them, they only see YOU! Amen.